Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Keeping the Faith

Recently events have happened in my life that have rocked my world.  I have questioned my faith, my heart, my senses.  I have felt more emotional pain than I have had to bear in a very long time and I have had to pull myself up, wipe away my tears and carry on because there are people out there who need me.  My family has been strong for me.  This is something I wasn't sure would happen.  When you care for others constantly they often seem to take it for granted and you wonder when the chips are down, will they really be there for you?  I have found out that all four of my children are forces to be reckoned with and are standing firmly by my side, carrying me through.  I have found that some relatives are loyal and true, while others are not so much.  I have found that friends can be a huge blessing, but some can also be a disappointment, failing to be there when you thought they would.

I have learned alot about myself in the last few days.  I have had to look deep into my soul and see my shortcomings.  I have had to except responsibility for my actions or lack thereof.  I have had to realize that, while I am experiencing pain, I have unintentionally inflicted it, as well.  I have been pointing my fingers out when some of them should have been pointing back at me.

I have also dared to gaze into the future, a time when I have righted wrongs and worked hard at things that have needed work for so long.  I have glimpsed something wonderful that is possible. I can only pray that the future will hold all the things I so desire.

Now, as I take it one day at a time, the pain is still fresh and my heart is almost unbearably heavy.  I know that I am strong, but I know that I also gather strength from those I love.  When that strength is pulled away, I am only a part of what I am as a whole.

I am trying to draw on my faith, but faith isn't something you can buy or just wish for.  You have to feel it in your heart and soul.  I am trying to trust in God and put my troubles in his hands because I cannot possibly carry my burden alone, but it's hard.  I know he is there for me, waiting for me to just ask so that he can lighten my load.  And I will try.  I pray for guidance and that each day will see a step forward toward a bright and promising future.  


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Bustling into October

This week we found ourselves into the month of October and, while I feel we are "behind" in our studies as far as where I had hoped to be at this point, Dakota and I are not feeling stressed or burned out during our school hours and that's a positive thing.  We had to do some cramming to get in Monday's work after having to drop Brian David off at college in the morning, but Tuesday we enjoyed a lazy day at home, using this week to finish up our Space unit, making a poster and a mobile of the planets.  Dakota finished his Magic Tree House book and today started independently reading Magic School Bus Space Explorers and filling out a book report form along with it.  We read under the blankets for awhile and my heart warmed me more than the blanket when Dakota said he hoped we would spend alot of time reading under the covers this winter.

Nothing else stands out in my mind as noteworthy, but we did have a good day.  Today was our co-op meeting and it was my turn to teach.  I taught the kids about Katsushika Hokusai, a 1700's artist who specialized in block printing and calligraphy.  The kids practiced their Chinese characters and then we used styrofoam squares and ink pens to gauge our a Chinese character into the square.  We lightly painted over the top and then stamped it onto the paper.  I was surprised at how much the kids enjoyed it, both the 8-11 group and the 5-7 group.  They did well with the skills and made many stamps on their papers and I thoroughly enjoyed myself as their instructor.

And as more proof that Dakota is growing up, I had to drop him off at home with my daughter as soon as co-op was over to go to a doctor's appointment and I had left the Space Explorers book and report and a www.schoolexpress.com packet on Autumn for him to do and when I returned a short time later, they were finished and he was working on creating his own comic book!  Wow!  What a difference a year makes!