Keeping the Faith

Recently events have happened in my life that have rocked my world.  I have questioned my faith, my heart, my senses.  I have felt more emotional pain than I have had to bear in a very long time and I have had to pull myself up, wipe away my tears and carry on because there are people out there who need me.  My family has been strong for me.  This is something I wasn't sure would happen.  When you care for others constantly they often seem to take it for granted and you wonder when the chips are down, will they really be there for you?  I have found out that all four of my children are forces to be reckoned with and are standing firmly by my side, carrying me through.  I have found that some relatives are loyal and true, while others are not so much.  I have found that friends can be a huge blessing, but some can also be a disappointment, failing to be there when you thought they would.

I have learned alot about myself in the last few days.  I have had to look deep into my soul and see my shortcomings.  I have had to except responsibility for my actions or lack thereof.  I have had to realize that, while I am experiencing pain, I have unintentionally inflicted it, as well.  I have been pointing my fingers out when some of them should have been pointing back at me.

I have also dared to gaze into the future, a time when I have righted wrongs and worked hard at things that have needed work for so long.  I have glimpsed something wonderful that is possible. I can only pray that the future will hold all the things I so desire.

Now, as I take it one day at a time, the pain is still fresh and my heart is almost unbearably heavy.  I know that I am strong, but I know that I also gather strength from those I love.  When that strength is pulled away, I am only a part of what I am as a whole.

I am trying to draw on my faith, but faith isn't something you can buy or just wish for.  You have to feel it in your heart and soul.  I am trying to trust in God and put my troubles in his hands because I cannot possibly carry my burden alone, but it's hard.  I know he is there for me, waiting for me to just ask so that he can lighten my load.  And I will try.  I pray for guidance and that each day will see a step forward toward a bright and promising future.  


Comments

Unknown said…
Cindy, have no idea what you are going through, and it's none of my business. Just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you, my friend. God knows all about your pain and the trials and tribulations you are facing.

You have made some very comments that let me know that you are taking a close look at the issues in your life and that you are accepting responsibility where needed. That, my friend, is the first step in reconciling any differences/disagreements that are affecting your life right now.

Be strong. Keep the faith. And know that if you ever need an ear to vent/cry into, you are more than welcome to call me anytime. I'll gladly just sit and listen. Wish I was closer and could offer you a cozy spot to sit and share some tea or cocoa (sorry, I'm not a coffee drinker).

Praying for you.

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