Cindy's Life as She Knows It

As I navigate my world without my partner of 30 years I find myself more resilient than I thought I would be, but I struggle with the memories when I go to the places we have gone together, which seems to be everywhere.  Today I went up to the football fields where both our sons grew up playing on that field and while there was only Coach Chris working with the 2-4 year olds, my fourteen year old son assistant coaching, I could hear from years ago my husband with his loud, energetic voice coaching the boys, yelling the drills, instilling discipline and work ethic.  I was so proud of him.  I am still so proud of the coach he is, though I am disappointed in the man he is showing himself to be currently.  I miss him with all my heart and I miss being his wife.  I was so proud to be his wife.  He doesn't remember anything good in our years, but we had a loving, connected relationship for a long time.  I will survive.  I have no choice.  But I will always miss the team we were together.

Today I had the pleasure of being responsible for two one year old boys.  The little one just celebrated his first birthday and the older one is only two months from being two.  They were totally different, but so much alike!  First, these are the cutest two little boys you will ever meet.  One with dark hair and eyes and olive skin and the other fair with blond hair and blue eyes.  When God was handing out looks, these two little guys got an extra dose!  Second, they love to eat!  The older of the two would say "Eat! Eat!" and the younger knew he was going to get in on this action too!  There were crackers, cookies, applesauce, more crackers...  Third, they were busy!  Oh my gosh!  They had so much energy!  I was in the playroom with them watching them learn to play together and making suggestions, giving out hugs, changing diapers and doling out the snacks.  They were in and out and up and on and under and over and through.  They rode little motorcycles and played in the li

2019 has been the year of change and currently it is July 2019 and I have turned 54 and my life is different in almost every way than it was a year ago.  Although it came in full of promise and hope, 2019 was destined to be a year of challenges and triumphs, fear, failure and success. In February we were told that - SURPRISE - our oldest daughter, who I help with daycare for my three granddaughters, 7, 5 and 4, at least three days a week while she works, was pregnant with my first grandson.  Wow!  I was angry at the load it was putting on me, thrilled to be getting a grandson, worried about my daughter, who was not physically supposed to carry another child and not financially in a place to have one. Also in February my older son, engaged and moved out with his fiance of six months, broke the engagement and accepted a job in Mississippi.  It wasn't pretty and, although mutual, we lost an important person in our life that we expected to be our family member.  On February 15th, m