My Strong Willed Son
Dakota and I decided to take the long 4 day weekend with my older high school aged son. Dakota was thrilled to have some time to play and I tried to catch up on work and school planning. Today we got a call from a grandmom who's grandson is on Dakota's basketball team and who we found out lives a few streets over. They invited him over for two hours and Dakota was super excited. I gave him the lecture on the way over about being a good friend and being polite, all the while holding my breath because Dakota marches to his own drum and if he doesn't like something, he has no problems voicing his opinion.
I raised all four of my children with the same values and sense of right and wrong. We are polite, considerate and thoughtful to others. There are few exceptions. The other three seemed to understand. "I may be a handful for mom, but I better not misbehave at school or out in public." They gave me a fit at home more than once, but when I took them someplace I knew that they would be well behaved and polite. Dakota, however, doesn't really care about well behaved and polite. This is my boy who, when told that he had to be good at the store to go to the park afterward, said "Aw man, and I really wanted to go to the park too". Not "I'll be good". If I impress upon him how important it is to be well behaved somewhere, the best I get is "I'll try". Once I printed a behavior chart from Chuck E. Cheese. I explained that if he was good for two weeks, getting a sticker every day, he would get 10 free tokens at CEC. He was about five at the time. He was thoughtful and quiet for a minute and then said "Hmmm. Be good for two weeks and get 10 free tokens....so not worth it". Yep, that's my boy.
So back to today...I drop him off and run to the store. Two hours later I arrived to pick him up. What unfolded was so embarrassing for me that I can't even type it. Basically I was informed by a very kind and soft spoken grandmom that the boys fought and didn't get along. Dakota then proceded to be rude, mouthy and talked back to me before stomping down the steps and into the car. I could have just crawled into a hole.
Needless to say, there was some shouting, some tears, some denial, some punishment. More crying. More shouting. More punishment....and a demand that a full apology would be made at basketball on Tuesday.
Sigh. Very big sigh. What am I doing wrong? Why is this child so headstrong and unwilling to behave if he is provoked otherwise? How in the world can he be so rude when that is definitely unacceptable in our household? I felt like I needed to call Supernanny immediately and have her give me a stern talking to about my rude child and his lack of self control. My mother and younger daughter swear he has ADHD. I think that's nonsense. The child has a swagger in his step and an attitude way bigger than his tiny body. He does what he likes to do and he doesn't care for one minute if that's not what you like. He is a cocky, overbearing, rude child in one breath and in the next he is so kind and loving and sweet. How do I get him to have the self control to bite his tongue and not make waves? I don't want him to be anyone's doormat, but he could be accomodating, especially when he is with someone new. What must this woman think of him and of me?
Tonight, as I tucked Dakota into bed, he told me that he was going to apologize to the little boy and his grandmom tomorrow and that he was going to ask him if he'd like to come to our house and see if they could have fun. I was proud of him for taking the initiative, but I still feel inadequate in my attempts to raise this strongwilled boy in a way that I find acceptable without breaking his spirit. No one every said that parenting would be easy and I am okay with that. Humiliation, however, is not something I enjoy. I sure do hope that a lesson was learned today, but at seven, I am almost sure that this is only the beginning.
I raised all four of my children with the same values and sense of right and wrong. We are polite, considerate and thoughtful to others. There are few exceptions. The other three seemed to understand. "I may be a handful for mom, but I better not misbehave at school or out in public." They gave me a fit at home more than once, but when I took them someplace I knew that they would be well behaved and polite. Dakota, however, doesn't really care about well behaved and polite. This is my boy who, when told that he had to be good at the store to go to the park afterward, said "Aw man, and I really wanted to go to the park too". Not "I'll be good". If I impress upon him how important it is to be well behaved somewhere, the best I get is "I'll try". Once I printed a behavior chart from Chuck E. Cheese. I explained that if he was good for two weeks, getting a sticker every day, he would get 10 free tokens at CEC. He was about five at the time. He was thoughtful and quiet for a minute and then said "Hmmm. Be good for two weeks and get 10 free tokens....so not worth it". Yep, that's my boy.
So back to today...I drop him off and run to the store. Two hours later I arrived to pick him up. What unfolded was so embarrassing for me that I can't even type it. Basically I was informed by a very kind and soft spoken grandmom that the boys fought and didn't get along. Dakota then proceded to be rude, mouthy and talked back to me before stomping down the steps and into the car. I could have just crawled into a hole.
Needless to say, there was some shouting, some tears, some denial, some punishment. More crying. More shouting. More punishment....and a demand that a full apology would be made at basketball on Tuesday.
Sigh. Very big sigh. What am I doing wrong? Why is this child so headstrong and unwilling to behave if he is provoked otherwise? How in the world can he be so rude when that is definitely unacceptable in our household? I felt like I needed to call Supernanny immediately and have her give me a stern talking to about my rude child and his lack of self control. My mother and younger daughter swear he has ADHD. I think that's nonsense. The child has a swagger in his step and an attitude way bigger than his tiny body. He does what he likes to do and he doesn't care for one minute if that's not what you like. He is a cocky, overbearing, rude child in one breath and in the next he is so kind and loving and sweet. How do I get him to have the self control to bite his tongue and not make waves? I don't want him to be anyone's doormat, but he could be accomodating, especially when he is with someone new. What must this woman think of him and of me?
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