Roots and Wings

I have always believed in the saying "you give your child roots to grow and wings to fly".  I know that I have given my children deep roots.  I have nurtured them and watched them grow, tending to their needs, giving them extra tlc when they needed it...and now three of them are grown.  The roots are deep and they are healthy and strong.  My kids know that they are my world and that their dad and I are always, always there for them.  The wings part....now that's a little harder.  My girls are women now.  That in itself is often hard to believe.  They have tested the waters, leaving for a few months here and there to try out their independence, but they didn't go very far.  Things were about to change, however.    One flew away to North Carolina just after she got married and feathered her nest and then hatched her own little chick.  She was gone for fifteen months, but thankfully she flew home two weeks ago.  It is a joy to have her around again and double the joy to now have a granddaughter to spoil.  All was right with the world for two solid weeks...

Today, my baby girl flew away to Memphis, Tennessee.  She has always been close to home and had actually made her way for about a year with a young man she had hoped to spend her life with.  This was not to be and,with a heavy heart, she returned to the nest.  It's no secret that she and I are very different...and very much alike.  We do well when she is living out of the house, but when she and I are under the same roof, things can get a little tricky.  Our hours are different.  Our friends are different.  Our habits are different.  We clash often, but the love is still strong.  I will admit that I wanted her to move out.  I wanted her to take care of herself and be independent and strong.  She depended on her dad and I too much for her age and she was insecure about being able to be on her own.  I didn't, however, want her to move far away.  She came up with the idea to take an adventure and move to Memphis on a whim.  She has a friend there who transplanted from Maryland about a year and a half ago and this friend told her she could get her a job and would help her adjust.  I thought about it and I encouraged her to go.  I believed then, as I do now, that being away from family for a bit is something that is extremely hard, but ultimately a great growing up tool.  I lived in Germany for two years and had my oldest daughter there. Wow, did I grow up fast!!  My oldest moved to NC and had her first daughter there.  She came home a much more mature and confident woman than when she left.  Now it was daughter number two's turn, and my hope was that she would gain the maturity and confidence she needed to succeed in the adult world. 

That being said, when the reality of her move started to sink in a few days ago I panicked.  Did I tell her the right thing?  Did I send her off on a great adventure or push her out of the nest before she was ready to fly? 

This morning, at 4:45am I hugged my baby girl and kissed her goodbye through my tears and sent her off on her adventure.  I am so impressed with her!  She has taken a step that I surely would be too afraid to take.  I know it is the right thing for her right now, but it is hurting my heart so badly.  I miss her so much already and my heart is aching with the pain.  I am worried about her, but I know in my heart that she will shine.  She has our support and she's under no "contract" so if, in a few months, she is unhappy, we will help her to come back home.  My ultimate wish, however, is that she loves it, enjoys herself, gets a decent job and saves some money, gains confidence and maturity and then comes back home ready to face the world.  I hope she isn't gone too long.  I won't lie and say that I'm not already looking forward to the day when she returns, but I want her to shine, bright and strong!  I want her to take advantage of her youth and freedom and see a little bit of the country.  I want her to realize that she can do anything she sets her mind to.  She is kind and loving and a beautiful person and I hope that by spending some time away she will get to know herself better and see all the wonderful things that she is. 

Keri, have an adventure, sweet girl.  Know that your dad and brothers and I and all your family love you very, very much.  We will be thinking about you each and every day and we will be here for you when you need us.  Don't look back, but always look forward.  There are great things out there for you....just reach out and grab them.  When the time is right you will come home and we will welcome you with open arms.  Be young and carefree.  Take lots of pictures.  Call often.  Live, love and laugh alot.  I love you so very, very, very much.