"Grown Up" Children

My two daughters are "grown ups" by the standards we set in society.  One, at 26, had a rough start right out of high school with a lack of motivation and then found the man of her dreams, only to have to wait for years for him to come back from overseas with the military.  During that time she found herself, getting a good, steady job and living with us at home, but she still wasn't "grown up" living here.  Momma cooked, momma cleaned and momma did everything while the daughter lounged and read and played on the computer.  Now she is married, pregnant, living in a different state and is definitely an adult.  She has a good husband, 2 dogs, a nice house and a baby on the way.  She does all those things that classify one as an adult like paying bills, grocery shopping, taking care of a home, cooking dinner.  She made it! and I am proud!  Then there is daughter number two.  She had a very tough time during her last year of high school and moved out of our home to live with her natural father.  The grass was definitely not greener and she begged to come home.  After about six months she did, for several months.  She was holding a good job then, waitressing and doing pretty well.  She moved out.  She moved back.  She moved out. She moved back. She moved out.  She moved back.  You get the picture.   Then she found the man she hoped was "the one" and they moved in together and I was pleased.  He had three children who visited often and she was an excellent "mother".  She wasn't working, but she cooked and cleaned and grocery shopped.  She was well on her way to being an "adult".  And then he left.  Out of the blue. And she was lost.  She tried to keep their apartment but she couldn't find a decent job so we agreed that she could move in again until she got on her feet.  That was six months ago.  She has a job.  It doesn't pay well, but the staff is wonderful.  She works from 4 to 10 at night, 4 nights a week.  Not enough.  Then after work, or instead of work on her days off, she goes to the bar and hangs out with friends.  She goes to bonfires and parties and she gets in early in the morning as we are getting up for the day.  She does no laundry.  She doesn't cook.  She sleeps til 2pm.  She is not an adult.  The problem is, she is 23.  She is, in my eyes, past the point of these games.  I know she has it in her to be an adult because I saw it for almost a year, but now she is back to bickering with her brothers, being sullen or sassy with my husband and I, partying with friends until dawn and giving absolutely nothing back in any form to the household.  I don't mind helping her. I would even do her clothes...if they made it to the laundry.  I would invite her to our family meals...if she was around to eat them.  She drops her trash and her dishes, her water bottles, blankets etc.  I could make her pick them up....but she's just gone to bed and if I wake her I have to deal with her.  So I do it, and by 2pm when she wakes up, I am knee deep in schooling and cleaning and working and I just don't want to get into it then.  She's gone by 3.  Am I wrong?  Yes.  Should I give her an ultimatum to leave.  Yes.  Will I?  No.  I can't get past the fact that she is my child and she has nowhere else to go.  Our relationship has always been strained, for as long as I can remember.  She was a hard child and she continues to be a hard "adult", and I worry that eventually there will be a huge blowup with harsh words and bad feelings and what is strained may be broken.  I don't want that to happen, but I don't want it to go on like this.  She is a good girl with a heart of gold, but she has no purpose and she has yet to find herself.  The stress is intense.  It is a daily force in my life that I would love to remove.  I want to see her succeed and be happy more than anything in the world, but I do not think that this will happen if things keep going the way they are.  I am at my wit's end, but I am her mother and she is my child...and those ties run deep.